Before we were “Mommy”…

We were “Wife” first.

I stumbled upon a blog post entitled “To Wives: Before You Were Mommy” a week ago or so. When I read it, I was like, “This is me! This is my life!”

See, with a 4-year old daughter, it’s like life and everyone around me expected me to channel all my energies taking care of her. Ever since that day when I saw those 2 stripes on that pregnancy kit, hubby and I prepared for her arrival. When she was born, all our energies were focused on taking care of her. Me especially, as I breastfed her, sang her lullabies, rocked her to sleep, took note of her “first everything”, etc.

When I went back to work, she became my motivation. Come payday, instead of putting a portion of my salary to my personal savings, it went to her essentials — milk, diapers, baby wipes, solid food, clothes. And today, every time I come home, she will always be the first person I greet, ask how her day went, help her with her homework, and put her to sleep.

That has been my routine for 4 years now.

Amid all these, I seem to forget something.

I am a wife. I was Wife to my Husband first. And I have, I regretfully admit, seem to forget about that in our 5-year marriage.

That's why we got married in the first place. To be Husband and Wife.

That’s why we got married in the first place. To be Husband and Wife.

I liked how the blog said:

“Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water, “Hey! Glad you’re home.” But it won’t mean what it used to mean. It won’t be full of eager anticipation to spend time together. It will be full of expectations to aid in the demands of the family. “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank God for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.”

Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again. The thought of doing anything else after the children are asleep will sound impossible and your handsome husband’s happy smile had better mean he is willing to get up with the baby and nothing more. 

The husband that once completed your heart will be just one more person who needs you. The charming things that you fell for will go unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected…”

“But Ladies, when Mommy becomes your name, remember this man. Remember that you are his wife. Remember how much you love and appreciate him in this moment. Remember his dedication to your family. Remember his love and devotion to you. And then, when the days are long and you need a break, fall into his arms…”

“Remember each other. Remember the two that made the family. Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be His love who keeps you together. It will only be His mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord. There is no greater adventure for you to experience and no greater gift than to walk through parenthood with your best friend.  You are a team. Every single day.”

The same goes with the Husband. The spouse should not be a second priority, because in the first place, the love you have for each other is the reason why you chose to be together.

Of course, the children will always be in the family equation. It’s a matter of balancing things out and not looking at your spouse as your “assistant” but as a “partner” in life, sticking together and going through everything with each other, hand in hand. And at the end of the day — each day — you want to be with your spouse to just cuddle, sniff his/ her hair, and just spend quiet moments with your head against his/ her shoulder. Because you love your spouse.

I remember a discussion I had with my dad: he said that when a couple gets to have kids, they forget about everything else and just focus on the little ones. But after reading the blog post, I realized you don’t have to forgo everything. And especially not your husband or wife.

You only have to remember the reason why you are together in this journey in life. It’s because of love. And when you remember, you fall in love with each other all over again.

I’m glad I read that post. It’s a great eye-opener and reminder for me. Now, I make it a point that we spend moments with each other, just the two of us, so that we’ll fall in love with each other over again and every day.

And I’m telling you, it’s such a really nice feeling to fall in love with that man you decided to spend the rest of your life with.

No Comments

  • Kim Reyes February 7, 2014 at 11:00 pm

    This made me want to cuddle with my hubby. I’m guilty of treating him as an assistant. D: No wonder he keeps saying that he misses me even though we live in one roof.

    Reply
  • you know who i am :P February 8, 2014 at 12:51 am

    i’m glad i got to read this here, dompy. this rings true to me: “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank God for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.” 🙂 but, it’s really easier said than done, prioritizing marriage over parenthood, especially when we’re talking about young kids. i’m always like, “my husband can fend for himself, my child can’t!” so, i agree, this is some sort of an eye-opener. i just hope husbands who get to read this will also get the message, loud and clear! 🙂 will read this to darwin later, but i’ll change “wife” to “husband” and “mommy” to “daddy” haha!

    Reply
    • moonchild117 February 10, 2014 at 9:50 am

      Ayaw talaga maglagay ng name? Hahaha! Anyways, true, hindi ganoon kadaling gawin, lalo na kapag yung anak mo e gusto rin ang attention ng mommy e nasa kanila lang. My daughter’s like that, nagseselos kapag nagha-hug lang kami ng daddy niya. Haha! It really is just about balance. The important thing here is that we remember being wives to our husbands also. It’s the same with men, they should also remember being husbands to their wives, too.

      Reply
  • The Pinay Mom February 8, 2014 at 2:33 am

    I know, a lot of times after we delivered our bundle of joy, we forget being a wife. We should not forget to do what we used to before we become a mother, like dating because it’s part of a healthy marriage.

    Reply
    • moonchild117 February 10, 2014 at 9:54 am

      I agree. Sometimes, the reason why marriages don’t last is because one feels that his/ her spouse isn’t loving them enough or giving them attention like before. Lumalamig kumbaga sa isa’t isa. That’s why it’s important that we keep the love burning. 🙂

      Reply
      • The Pinay Mom February 10, 2014 at 10:29 pm

        You are absolutely right!

        Reply
  • May De Jesus-Palacpac February 9, 2014 at 6:15 pm

    this is so true. i’ve been raised in a family where I saw my parents put their marriage first and i try to imitate that in my marriage though it gets extremely challenging sometimes when you have 3 little kids to raise. 🙂 thanks for sharing this reminder.

    Reply
  • Ma. Yvette Heart (@mayvetteheart) February 10, 2014 at 10:16 am

    Guilty ako dito. Since we already have 3 children, seriously sick pa yung youngest namin I admit nakalimutan ko ng may asawa ako.. Pero hindi pa naman lagi huli ang lahat right.. ? Happy to read your post as to remind me then.

    http://simpleheartlovesmuch.blogspot.com/2013/12/thank-you-for-adding-life-to-my-yvan.html

    Reply
    • moonchild117 February 10, 2014 at 5:20 pm

      Yes, it’s not too late. I pray for strength for you both, that you and your husband hold on to each other and to God during this time. Lots of prayers to your bunso, too.

      Reply
  • Jocris Mangubat February 10, 2014 at 10:34 am

    Well. I definitely agree.. I maybe single mom.. yet I am in a relationship.kelangan lang talaga ibalanse ang lahat,so everything is fair..

    Reply
  • MigsandAlaine Alejandrino February 10, 2014 at 1:27 pm

    Beautiful post. 🙂 I love my husband so much and we are patiently waiting for a baby girl. I am a step-mom to a handsome boy. Posts like this inspire me. 🙂

    Reply
  • Chinky Magtibay February 17, 2014 at 4:09 pm

    This is a good reminder for all of us. Now, to find time for our regular date nights! 😛

    Reply

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