On raising my kid: parents vs. grandparents

Here’s a tidbit about my daughter, Zee: did you know that, at 4 years old, she hasn’t been completely weaned from the bottle?

Actually, hubby and I tried to feed her milk from a cup when she turned 4 last year. Well, the thing is, we’re living in my parents’ house and they’re the ones taking care of my kid while we’re at work. To cut the long story short, whenever my daughter wants dede, they’d give it to her, pronto.

I’ve told them, and not just once, to teach her to drink from the cup (using a straw). But they — particularly my dad — would take pity on my daughter when she cries when she wants to drink milk from the bottle. Take note, this bottle-feeding only happens during weekday afternoons, when hubby and I are out for work. On weekends, we don’t give in to her pleas and tantrums for dede. We would tell her to eat if she’s hungry.

This has been going on until Friday last week. Sunday, June 1, I made it a point to stop bottle-feeding Zee altogether. So I kept her bottle in a place only I knew (not even my hubby knew where I hid it) and told my parents that from then on, my daughter will be drinking only from the cup.

Little did I expect for this to be a reason for me and my mom to have a bit of an argument over text.

Yesterday afternoon, she texted me that my daughter was crying all day because she wants her dede. I told my mom that she has to get used to drinking from the cup. She replied that it’s easy for us to say that and that we should train her to drink from the cup if we want her to learn to wean from the bottle. And so I replied that during weekends and even weeknights, before she goes to bed with us, we don’t give her dede even if she asks us. (Short of saying that “you’re the ones giving her dede, not us”.)

Hays, it’s really hard not to be a united front when it comes to raising my kid. All I want is a little help from them to observe and sustain certain rules. Zee’s turning 5 by the end of this month. She has to learn that she has to grow up a bit and not be too much of a baby anymore (what with another one coming soon). But it’s hard when there are the grandparents who are spoiling the child (even if they deny doing so).

I get it, grandparents have a tendency to spoil their grandchildren. I’ve experienced that with my lola, growing up with her at home. But there comes a certain point that they have to realize that the parents have a bigger say in how to raise their children. Not because we want to deprive them, but because we want to teach them that they can’t have everything they want. And believe me, it will benefit them in the future.

My mom and I haven’t really talked about what happened yesterday. I still haven’t told them where I kept the bottle, too, and I don’t have plans of putting it out. I just hope that my parents understand what I want to teach my daughter soon enough. And I hope they support hubby and my decision, too. Soon.

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  • Didi June 4, 2014 at 9:47 am

    Michelle! I know how you feel! Gosh, my mom is the same rin but not all the time. There are cases na she would tell me not to reprimand kasi ‘bata’ daw but I told her ‘Nung bata din kami, pinapagalitan mo kami diba?’ I think they’re more cautious now on their grandkids. Maybe they feel like its their second chance aka correcting what they did wrong.

    I know they mean well, but there are boundaries. Diba? Hehehe.. Its hard for us lang to let them know of the boundaries – kasi for sure sasama ang mga loob nila. Hahaha!!

    Maraming instances na let’s say I refuse to give them ice candy, but when my mom hears this she will whisper to Kailee ‘Ama will give you later!’ Suhol! hahaha.. Kainis diba?? But its okay – I guess nung panahon natin, ganun din sila.. Hihi..

    Love, Didi

    Reply
    • Michelle Roldan June 5, 2014 at 2:34 pm

      Yeah, maybe that’s the reason. Medyo weird lang kasi yung mom ko would tell me sometimes na wag laging pagbigyan si Zee kahit umiyak na then here she goes texting me about giving the bottle. Tapos if I reason out, parang magagalit. Hay, ang gulo. Hahaha!

      By the way, thanks for the tag. I’ll be answering it in a bit so wait for it on my future post. 🙂

      Reply
  • Daycare Alabang June 11, 2014 at 1:33 pm

    Hi Michelle,

    I understand how you feel. Most of the time grandparents would spoil their grandchildren. But my experience is different naman. I’m a prescool teacher and a mother of two lovely daughters already. My eldest is 7 years old and my youngest is 4 years old. My mom used to be a disciplinarian type to us back when we were still kids. Kami naman yung kids na hindi nya pinalaki sa luho or spoiled. As early as 2 years old daw ako according to my mom sinanay na nya ko na mg drink na sa training cup and natuto naman daw ako. Siguro that’s what I got from my mom when I was raising my daughters already kaya siguro di nya kami pinapakielaman masyado ng hubby ko when it comes to raising our kids. Both my kids stopped bottle-feed at the age of 2 1/2 years old.

    Cristina

    Reply
  • Cielo Delos Santos Pagcaliwagan July 3, 2014 at 10:57 am

    I remember din my Mom nung kalakasan pa nya, pag pinapagalitan naming magkakapatid ang mga apo nya at hindi naman pinapalo naka abogada mode na agad sya hehehhe. pero nung kami nuon with matching palo pa ng sinturon at pingot hehhehe.

    Continue to post and inspire others thru your blog

    its me,
    Cielo of Brown Pinay
    http://www.brownpinay.com

    Reply
  • mel September 11, 2014 at 6:11 pm

    dompy!!! blog trolling here, hehe! grandparents have a way of making parents feel like they’re the villains in their kids’ lives. lol. when i get into arguments with my mom or my in-laws about sadie, i always say, “kanino bang anak ‘yan? di ba sa akin?” and that shuts them up! lol. not to be disrespectful, but we parents really need to draw the line, kung hanggan saan siila pwede makialam, di ba? ang rule ko lagi is, sige spoil n’yo lang apo n’yo, i won’t object but you have to play by my rules. and when i’m around, i’m in charge. so quiet na lang sila. 🙂 for instance, sadie takes a shower thrice a day, kahit anong weather. that’s my rule and sanay ang bata sa ganun. my MIL would always say, and minsan pag nagkataon bumisita rin nanay ko, kampihan pa sila, “naku, lalamigin na yung bata!” i roll my eyes na lang and continue bathing her. mga lolas and lolos kasi love to throw their weight around minsan! hehe!

    Reply
    • Michelle Roldan September 12, 2014 at 8:28 am

      Roumela! I guess yung pinaka-challenge ko is that we live with my parents, so parang yung rules pa rin nila nasusunod. Sabi nga ng mom ko e, parang bunsong anak niya si Zee so ang nangyayari is that her (their) rules apply to her as well, hahaha! Me, I’m sometimes left in a quandary.

      Rolling eyes. Very you. LOL! 😀

      Hope to see you soon!

      Reply

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