We were “Wife” first.
I stumbled upon a blog post entitled “To Wives: Before You Were Mommy” a week ago or so. When I read it, I was like, “This is me! This is my life!”
See, with a 4-year old daughter, it’s like life and everyone around me expected me to channel all my energies taking care of her. Ever since that day when I saw those 2 stripes on that pregnancy kit, hubby and I prepared for her arrival. When she was born, all our energies were focused on taking care of her. Me especially, as I breastfed her, sang her lullabies, rocked her to sleep, took note of her “first everything”, etc.
When I went back to work, she became my motivation. Come payday, instead of putting a portion of my salary to my personal savings, it went to her essentials — milk, diapers, baby wipes, solid food, clothes. And today, every time I come home, she will always be the first person I greet, ask how her day went, help her with her homework, and put her to sleep.
That has been my routine for 4 years now.
Amid all these, I seem to forget something.
I am a wife. I was Wife to my Husband first. And I have, I regretfully admit, seem to forget about that in our 5-year marriage.
I liked how the blog said:
“Ladies, there will come a day when your husband walks in the door and you do not turn around. You will be preoccupied with filling up sippy cups and wiping booties. You will shout over the running bath water, “Hey! Glad you’re home.” But it won’t mean what it used to mean. It won’t be full of eager anticipation to spend time together. It will be full of expectations to aid in the demands of the family. “Glad you’re home,” will more properly translate, “Thank God for two extra hands to help me.” And “Praise the Lord I might get five minutes alone.”
Ladies, there will come a day when you spend every last ounce of yourselves on your children. The demands of life and the babies will come before any other priority. What little of yourself you have left at the end of the day will be used to crawl into bed before someone is awake to need you again. The thought of doing anything else after the children are asleep will sound impossible and your handsome husband’s happy smile had better mean he is willing to get up with the baby and nothing more.
The husband that once completed your heart will be just one more person who needs you. The charming things that you fell for will go unnoticed. The daily grind will become expected…”
“But Ladies, when Mommy becomes your name, remember this man. Remember that you are his wife. Remember how much you love and appreciate him in this moment. Remember his dedication to your family. Remember his love and devotion to you. And then, when the days are long and you need a break, fall into his arms…”
“Remember each other. Remember the two that made the family. Let the Lord lead you both together. Because when the days are endless and the hours short, it will only be His love who keeps you together. It will only be His mercy that gently guides your hearts as one. Hold tightly to one another, and even more tightly to the Lord. There is no greater adventure for you to experience and no greater gift than to walk through parenthood with your best friend. You are a team. Every single day.”
The same goes with the Husband. The spouse should not be a second priority, because in the first place, the love you have for each other is the reason why you chose to be together.
Of course, the children will always be in the family equation. It’s a matter of balancing things out and not looking at your spouse as your “assistant” but as a “partner” in life, sticking together and going through everything with each other, hand in hand. And at the end of the day — each day — you want to be with your spouse to just cuddle, sniff his/ her hair, and just spend quiet moments with your head against his/ her shoulder. Because you love your spouse.
I remember a discussion I had with my dad: he said that when a couple gets to have kids, they forget about everything else and just focus on the little ones. But after reading the blog post, I realized you don’t have to forgo everything. And especially not your husband or wife.
You only have to remember the reason why you are together in this journey in life. It’s because of love. And when you remember, you fall in love with each other all over again.
I’m glad I read that post. It’s a great eye-opener and reminder for me. Now, I make it a point that we spend moments with each other, just the two of us, so that we’ll fall in love with each other over again and every day.
And I’m telling you, it’s such a really nice feeling to fall in love with that man you decided to spend the rest of your life with.